When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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