i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
