Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
