dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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