:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I will be naked everywhere
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
