I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize