i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
