It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
