sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
