i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
