She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
