Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
