You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
