When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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