You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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