were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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