So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
