Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize