She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's always time for handjobs
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
