Where is the hickey?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
