i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
