using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
