WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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