im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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