Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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