I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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