I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
