After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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