I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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