Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
