Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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