My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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