she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
