My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
