got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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