Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
