afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
