Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
