Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
