the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
