saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
