You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
