I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
the raccoons are back...
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