Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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