God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
