then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
