Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
