How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
