I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Success! We fucked roommates!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize