so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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