you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
