Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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