Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
