Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
