I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize