Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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