He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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