you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am mentally ready for anal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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