walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Please don't give away my fajitas
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
